I quit my job.
After only 4 bloody months!!!!
Never in my carer have I quit a job after only 4 months, but now I can add that to the CV- which is getting worse by the day after two years of constant maternity leave…
At first being back at work I felt much more fresh and energised. I loved being back to work. I was speaking with other adults, drinking fancy coffees, having important meetings, I was achieving stuff and getting a decent salary into my account.
But I was also naive. “Fulltime job – no problem”.
The major issue was that fulltime in Dubai is a bit more than average and especially in Denmark where I am from, I was away 50 hours a week and home after 6pm every day.
Result: The kids were over-tired after a very long day in nursery (we only had one hour together every day before bedtime), they slept bad, they were cranky and clingy and my husband didn’t appreciate that he had to go earlier more and more often to pick up kids when I was late because of late meetings AGAIN! We were definitely also fighting much more. It was all about planning and schedules. Constant feeling behind and bad for the family.
After a while I realised this was not only about me but the family and that I never changed a nappy anymore!!! In such a young age (1 and 2 years old only) it was just too much for them to be away from mummy that many hours.
So, I’m now officially a SAHM. Stay At Home Mum. So all is good now, right? I’m home, kids is in nursery and I pick them up early, I have the mornings free to do stuff on my own… I think many of you would imagine, I’m in the nail spa all morning, drinking coffees and lying at the beach club, shopping fancy stuff in the largest mall in the world… Well some of it its true… (we are in Dubai after all)… but no I’m just lazy and watching Netflix and even to lazy to take a shower some days… I’m wasting my time…
Why is that??
In the first week as SAHM I was full of beans doing business plans, baking, organising the home, exercising etc – was really looking forward to be home and just be the ‘perfect stay at home mum’ – but that ended fast! I am certainly not a perfect SAHM.
I love the more time with the kids but I also get very lazy when I don’t have a busy day and I like deadlines and targets. I need to do stuff to get energy!!! I get no energy from doing nothing. I feel like I have achieved nothing despite doing the most valuable job in the world. So maybe I just need more in my life…
I just can’t win as a mum?
I might seem ungrateful and spoiled but am I really the only one feeling a bit lost here and not really enjoying the SAHM career??? I know many loves being a SAHM and does it really well and I really do respect that. I also really respect the working carer mum, well done you.
Do I regret quitting my job now?
It was not an easy decision to stop at work but it was the right thing to do. It was not the right thing for me to work that much – not now when I have small kids – it was just too much.
But also I think I’m not good at being a SAHM… I just cant win?