Thanks for all your kind support since my last blog post. It felt so good finally writing again and sharing some of my concerns, I will do my best to keep it up now. I can also see now that many of you are ‘in the same boat’ as me and it’s nice to know i’m not alone – so thank you for all your support.
I do however want to say sorry to all the mummy’s expecting baby number two who read my last blog. It was not to scare you! It’s wonderful to have two beautiful babies, whom you can love and take care of. Raise them and give them a magical childhood as all kids deserve. But YES it’s sometimes a madhouse and its crazy hard work. Our situation was maybe also extra hard as Ida Rose was very needy – BUT, when I see the love in their eyes when they look at each other and how JV always can make Ida laugh even when she is crying, then I know it’s all worth it! I know some will say its crazy to have them as close as we did, but JV and Ida will be so close, and there will always be a playmate at hand. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Now I am on this point, I would also like to apologise to my friends who had babies before me. I want to say sorry for not being as interested in your kids as much as I could have, honestly previously maybe I was a little unsure what having kids involved, now I really understand how it is. The old me would simple arrive at my friends place to visit the newborn and say thigs like, ‘They are cute – and here’s your present’ but I wasn’t much present after that… Especially when my big-sister had kids I felt a bit outside and that she forgot me. I use to be her little ‘baby’-sister but now somebody else was her baby and taking all her time!! I felt left behind and forgotten. I know now that wasn’t true and she didn’t do anything wrong, she was just a new mum and you don’t change because of that – you just have your hands full and discover a new dimension of life! What I’m trying to say is, I had no idea what motherhood involved. Sorry!
Before I became a mother myself I wasn’t really interested in kids and I had never been a babysitter or changed a nappy. I was the smallest child in our family and preferred to be the center of attention! I wanted to get married first so I could have beautiful party and dress (and be center of attention!) and babies could come later. Much later. I actually only felt broody once I met my husband a few years back. I had a ‘long life’ before kids which I enjoyed and I think you can say I have done my part of the partying, travelling and selfish lifestyle. This was perfect for me and I needed that. But it also meant I was more than ready for kids once I had them, and some may consider it ‘late’ starting at 33 years old. However honestly I wouldn’t have been ready before. I think it was good I was SO ready or else I wouldn’t have dealt with the less pretty sides of motherhood so well…
When Ida Rose was two months old I went for a job interview for an amazing career opportunity. The job was in strategic procurement which is my field and the multinational company seemed perfect! I went for three interviews. I knew it would be long hours, we didn’t have any help at home, Ida Rose never slept at night (I was a wreck!!) and that she needed me a lot longer but it didn’t hold me back. I was so excited and felt this was the right thing for me. Right now! Yes, it was very early and some would say very selfish. But I think it somehow was my secret baby-escape plan. To get far, far away from the ‘problems’ and just hand her over to somebody else. I have had enough and thought it is so much easier sitting in an office than being a stay at home mum! Well, I still think that lol!
(Lucky) I didn’t get this exciting job and I think it wasn’t meant to be, to be honest looking back I think it was not a good idea – I needed to take care of Ida and help her to get better. Because I’m her mummy, the most important job in the world!! Babies need their mummy (All respect to the working mum out there!) and I do think we do have a special mummy gene there makes us able to deal with everything – even its bloody hard sometimes!!! I think the company thought the same – time wasn’t right. I hope they will call me after this summer though haha!!
Hurrah for us mummy’s, we are truly amazing ❤